Today was an interesting day. A day of reflection...we gave our introduction in the Sunday School class today. Funny how most people don't know anything about us. It's not like we live a deep secret life or anything, but most people are just too busy to make friends or even act like friends. If I am lucky I have 5 friends in this church, although going to that location to have "church" is really the only common ground we have in common.
It's sad at times, some of the crazy things people say to me. I was asked if we plan on bringing Rachel Qin with us to church. Yeah, I'd assume she'll come to church with us sometime, most 5 yr olds follow their parents lead.
Someone shared that they would like to adopt locally but they don't want a birthparent to be involved in their life. I am amazed everytime I hear this, first the bmom picks the family to place her child and then without her you wouldn't even have the child. So sending a picture or letting someone see the child 1-2 times a year isn't too much of a burden. How can people be so selfish?
I was thinking today in church that I am going to cry when I see her. I am going to want to hold her in my arms and twirl in circles. It's like a dream that's ending, since I haven't gotten any new pictures or an update, I look at my 2 pictures of our little girl and wonder what she looks like. Does she even know we exist? Does she know we are coming? What will she understand? Does she speak English? Will she like us?
Since it's LENT, I've heard "you should be thankful" --do you know how thankful we are? Imagine not having a family, or anyone who really loved you. Imagine feeling like a caged bird. You own nothing, have nothing, are treated like nothing......and then you become my daughter.
IT's like winning the lottery--one minute you have nothing and the next minute you are smothered with everything. OVERLOAD!
I can't wait to go to China, but then again...I am afraid. So many people fill my head with the "what ifs" and then I wonder. God is in control and he knows our limiations. I put Rachel Qin in God's hands and pray that we can be worthy parents.
I pray that we can safely fly to China and home. I would hate to die in a planecrash and have Alexander not have us to care for him anymore. That's the biggest fear. I would want to live to see 100 so that I can see Alexander graduate, go to college, walk down the aisle with a bride, and give me grandbabies to love. I don't want to cheat him or me out of life. I just have to believe that God would not be so cruel as to have John and I die and leave Alexander to fend for himself.
Lots to think about in this blog today.
**s**
